So the team just got back from Kerrville, Texas for what we call a Crust Job. You see, some laborers on a construction site discovered some bones that didn’t want to stop moving, similar to a gig we had in Israel a few months back.
We went down there and removed the body. The whole job took about five minutes. But because of the nature of the gig, we had to hang out for a few days in case anything else started moving.
The third night at the hotel the guys and I were matching “Man v. Food” on the Travel Channel, and wouldn’t you know it, they were featuring the huge pizzas at Big Lou’s in San Antonio, which was only a few miles from our hotel! So seven of us big and hungry men climbed into our trucks and headed down Route 13.
The first thing we noticed? You’ve gotta wait. The place is busy as all get-out. So I put the company plastic on the bar and half of us get seats while the bartender pours what they call Big Ass beers. Precisely the type of refreshment bug killers prefer. We’re all on our second when the maitre d, or maitre e, or even the maitre f (it was THAT busy) brings us over to our table and the food starts coming.
They ask you to order your food before you sit down, and seeing as how we were all pretty hungry, we’d ordered a bunch of appetizers. They start bringing out brisket pizza wraps and garlic bread and wings. The table gets heaped with food, even including Larry’s huge salad, and it probably should have been enough to fill us up.
THEN comes the M.O.A.P. — the Mother Of All Pizzas! The 42″ loaded pie that the owner claims weighed about 30 pounds, and I believe him! Each slice is almost two feet long! You need two plates to hold just one *thin* slice of this dinosaur slab.
Needless to say, we barely finished it, and nobody on the team had dessert. It was a quiet ride home and everybody went right to bed. It was easily the best pizza dining experience I’d ever had in the south, and I’m embarrassed to admit that if I hadn’t had six other guys with me, I’d have never been able to even scratch that gigantic pizza!