St. William of Norwich

On March 22nd, 1144, a young tanner’s apprentice named William was found dead in Thorpe Wood, near Norwich.  At the time, Norwich was one of the largest cities in England.

The body was found in rough shape, and the kid was obviously the victim of a violent attack.  The locals immediately claimed the kid had been killed by Jews.  There really wasn’t a scientific method in place to protect evidence, and as one would expect the event only added fuel to the anti-semitic fire that would only get hotter over the next hundred and fifty years, when King Edward had the Jews expelled from England in 1290.

King Edward I, mind you, is the same Edward Longshanks that Mel Gibson made look bad in the movie, “Braveheart.”

A writing in 1173 by Thomas of Monmouth refers to William as Saint William, and the locals of Norwich considered him a martyr and a saint.

We know for a fact that there were bugs at that time within 100 miles of Thorpe Wood.  More importantly, what little evidence that was catalogued by Godwin Stuart, a local priest and unfortunately also William’s uncle, showed signs consistent with a traditional bug attack.  We’ve also come to find out in later years that Jews, contrary to the belief in 1144, don’t partake in human sacrifice against christians.

The term “blood libel” originally referred to an accusation that Jews would sacrifice people for their religion.  What we’ve come to realize is that the blood libel against the Jews was just a terror tactic to turn public opinion against them.

Mind you, the Jews were the first recorded bug fighters in world history.  It’s my belief that the Jews of Norwich probably had some bug killers in their midst at the time, and that’s why they were mis-connected to William’s murder.

Don’t take my word for it.  Look it up!

We're all about promoting strong women.

I get asked a lot whether we have women on our team.  Currently, we do not.  That isn’t to say, however, that women don’t make damned fine bug killers.

To my knowledge, there have been at least two women who served on the USVS.  It’s not that we actively recruit them or actively keep them away.  Our job is very physical, and there simply are many more men trained and capable to do the things we need done.  So when we’re hiring, we hire the person who we feel is most qualified and capable for our needs at that time — and generally there are more men with more relevant experience and skills.

If in the future we have an opening and a woman is the best for the job, it’s going to be hers.  I know that when my dad was in charge there had been a woman on the team for about six years (which is a solid tour compared to any other team members, male or female).  There was also a woman on the team back during WWII who didn’t lose her job to a man simply because the war was over and the men came back home.

If you are a woman thinking about going into a career hunting bugs, then go for it!  I’m the CEO of the biggest U.S. bug-killing company, and I’m telling you we can’t afford glass ceilings or other stupid prejudiced mindsets.

Actual photo of one of the masks here at the secret tiki pub.

So we just found out that our hotel here has an underground tiki bar.  Several times during our stay here in The Sand (I can’t tell you what country we’re in, but let’s just say it’s a short ride to where Saddam got a rope neck ride) the employees here at our hotel have stressed to us that there is an underground tiki bar, should we decide to get our booze on.

At first I thought it was code for something, but one of the other guests here has ensured me that there is, indeed, a tiki bar here that isn’t publicized as it’s illegal to serve alcohol in this country.

Kudos to the proprietor for setting up a secret bar for his guests, but a tiki bar?  Why?!?

And just what makes a bar a “tiki” bar?  Is there a certain carved mask minimum?  If the drinks have umbrellas?  If I put drink umbrellas and carved masks into a Chevy Chevette is it a tiki car?

When we finish a job, we've got Issac -- not IEDs.

A certain Lance Corporal in the Marines serving over in The Sand (I’ll call him “Public Enemy Fan / Dogman,” so he’ll know I’m talking about him) wrote to me yesterday to thank me for the work we do killing bugs here in the States.  As I was thinking about how to respond to all the cool things he said about us, I got more emails from other kids serving over there, and decided to post my response here.

Look, guys and girls of the military all stationed long ways away from home — me and my team have nothing on you guys, okay?  When the heat is on high, you’re getting hit from every angle.  And when the heat is on low, you have to deal with the bull of government contractors charging you $100 for laundry that is never really even close to clean, and showers that taze you at least once a month.

And, to make matters worse, even when you’re technically “off duty,” you’re still subject to roadside bombs, IEDs, and fundos that may simply blow you and everyone else around to Kingdom Some.

So no, my team isn’t in the same boat.  We’re on the Love Boat compared to the stress you fall asleep to!  We absolutely appreciate your emails, and by all means keep sending them!  But please don’t think for one minute that we are even close to even understanding, nevermind going through, the hell you patriots go through every day.

You are our heroes, GI’s.  And Semper Fi, Dogman.

So we just added a new gun to our arsenal, and folks, lemme tell you this thing is a beast!

The M-32 isn't a gun, it's practically artillery!

The M-32 MGL, or Multiple Grenade Launcher, is precisely what it sounds like.  It’s a six-shot, semi-automatic grenade launcher.  The thing can fire traditional 40mm grenades, but the cylinder’s been extended so now it can fire even longer 40mm rounds that carry more punch (read on!!!).

The boys and I got to test fire one of these recently over in The Sand courtesy of the U.S. Marines.  I fired six grenades in about five seconds (the jarheads say they can get all six off in three seconds), and literally blasted an entire 4-story building into rubble.  And that wasn’t using the ultra-insanely-powerful DRACO rounds!

We’re planning on using this gun in the field, but loading it with customized buckshot rounds.  For those of you that don’t know, shotguns traditionally fire a bunch of steel or lead balls, ranging from small ones for birds (birdshot), right up to huge ones (000 buckshot).  We took some of the newer, longer, 40mm shells and filled them with 00 buckshot.

The most powerful buckshot shotgun shell around is probably the Remington Express Magnum round in 3.5″.  That shell has 18 pellets of 00 buckshot.  For comparison, the specialty round we’re using in our M-32′s comes in two flavors: one with 36 pellets, and one with 54!  That’s the same firepower as having five or eight shotguns fired at you at the same time!

Needless to say, if we ever again get into a scrape like we did down in Wolf Bay, our new M-32′s with our new buckshot shells are going to put us back in control.

Oh, and we managed to grab ourselves some of those DRACO rounds, just in case!

Tweeting has got to be the dumbest term ever.

The guys told me we had to set up social networking, so that’s now up and running.  I don’t really know what a Facebook is, nor why I’m supposed to be tweeting or something, but now we’re doing it.

So if you’d like to follow us on either of these sites, you can click on the logos on the right-side of your screen, or you can click here for Facebook, or click here for Twitter.

It's a beast, but it stops bugs dead.

I just noticed that there was a .41 Magnum Society on the web.  Do people who own or like .41 Magnum guns get together and have formal meetings or something?

Well, as strange as their group may be, it’s refreshing to know that there are other shooters out there that appreciate the power and precision the .41 Magnum brings to the table.  The USVS uses the Desert Eagle .41 Magnum as our official sidearm.  It provides all the boom without all the second-shot aiming problems of a good hand cannon.  You don’t see them around so much anymore, and Desert Eagle even stopped making them.

Point being, there are times, albiet very few of them, where my guys need to pull out a sidearm and know that each round fired is going to help keep them alive.  After years of testing, the .41 Magnum is the no-brainer decision — especially since that’s precisely what these guys have to do… take out the brain of a nearby bug.

Zildjian makes incredible cymbals, and gear that saves our lives.

We’re still reeling that our boot gurus gave us approval to use their name in our book when word came in this morning that the powers that be over at Zildjian have given us their blessings to use their company name in our book!

The Avedis Zildjian company started producing specialty products for the USVS back in the late 1940′s.  Some of the most critical gear we use in our work is handmade by Zildjian craftsmen even today.  Countless lives have been saved by their products over the years.

And it doesn’t hurt that they make the best drum and percussion cymbals on the planet!

Maker of some of the coolest shoes on the planet, the folks at Fluevog also protect us from vampires!

I sent a copy of the manuscript over to the marketing folks at John Fluevog Shoes, and they liked it!

As many of you know, John Fluevog makes some of the baddest shoes and boots around.  Knowing that, I approached John to make ballistic boots for my team.  The boots we wear when stomping on bugs are Fluevog Angels, only customized for my team.

In addition to the hip look, John built us boots with steel toes, heavy bulletproof skins, and even a polycarbon inner sole that our own pikes can’t pierce!  To put some icing on the cake, John even had printed on the soles, “Resists alkali, water, acid, fatigue, Satan, and vampires.”

Thanks to John and the other Fluevogians for backing up my project!

You've got a better chance with a sirloin, as the bug may try to eat this insead of you!

Let me ask you this: if you were standing alone in a dark alley and some PCP-freak charged at you, would you even be able to pull out a sharpened wooden stick in time, nevermind get it stuck deep into his heart?

Here’s a science experiment you can do at home!

Go cut the last foot or so off of your kitchen mop.  Sharpen it with a knife until its got a sharp point.  Then, go to your local supermarket and buy a rack of ribs.  Bring them home, and try to jam the wooden stake through the ribs.

You can’t do it, can you?

Now imagine trying to get through those ribs when they’re coming at you at a sprint, and the dude attached to those ribs is slashing at you with his hands, and trying to chew your face off.  It’s just not going to happen.  And if the guy is wearing even a simple denim jacket, the spike probably won’t even pierce that.

No, you can’t kill a vampire with a wooden stake simply because vampires, like humans, aren’t going to lay down naked and give you three lucky shots at their heart!  I hope this lays this ridiculous claim to rest.