Nobody Wins Apparently, They Just Cheat

In the age where every kid wins a participation trophy, and nobody can be in first place, it only makes sense that many teams in the NFL are whining about how they didn’t lose, but that the Patriots cheated.

Nobody proved that Tom Brady or anyone else deflated a football!  The NFL said that it was “more probable than not” that Tom Brady knew something happened, even though they couldn’t prove that anything even happened, never mind who did it.  So some shithead sports writer added the word GATE to the end of a word relevant to the conversation – again – and suddenly the Patriots are guilty in the court of public opinion.

Well, here are some missed GATE scandals that clearly weren’t a big fucking issue at the time they happened, but would be scandals in today’s sore loser world of the National Football League.  If the Patriots did any of these today, the players would be suspended for multiple games.


Mike Tomlin says he just spaced out during what would have been a game-changing kickoff return against the Baltimore Ravens in 2013.  He accidentally stuck out his foot and almost tripped Jacoby Jones, who was in the process of returning a kick for a touchdown.  Had Tomlin not stuck out his foot, Jones may have not had to lean back into the field, and perhaps wouldn’t have had to run closer to the man who immediately tackled him.  No suspension for Tomlin.


Tony Romo and his Cowboys only had a three point lead in the third quarter against the Minnesota Vikings in 2013, and the Cowboys had just run a play that *almost* gave them a first down.  Romo waited for the official to spot the ball, and when he looked away, Romo pushed the ball forward with his foot to get the few inches he needed.  He was caught, but there was no suspension for Romo for cheating.


Remember that time in 2014 when Ndamukong Suh stepped on Aaron Rodgers’ injured leg when Green Bay took on the Detroit Lions?  Oh right, you don’t remember which one I’m referring to because he did it TWICE in one game!  Suh was suspended for only one game for trying to take out another team’s most important player, but he appealed the suspension, and got off scot free.  Why?  Because the NFL said it would be unfair to have Suh sit out the playoff games that were just starting up.


While we’re talking about Ndamukong Suh, let’s talk about that time he kicked Houston Texas quarterback Matt Shaub in the balls.  Suh had been tossed to the ground, but in this video you can clearly see him identify where Shaub is, and then he reaches out with his left foot and solidly kicks Shaub in the balls.  Suh wasn’t suspended even one game for this junk kick.


September of 2011, the New York Giants are facing off against the New Orleans Saints, and it’s a tough game.  The Saints have been using a no-huddle offense which is tiring the Giants players out.  Worse, the Giants don’t have time to respond to how the Rams are setting up at the line.  So instead of trying harder, Giants defense players Deon Grant decides to simply fall to the ground and pretend he’s hurt.  Only problem is that he didn’t notice his fellow teammate, Jacquian Williams, had just tried the same fake injury fall seconds before him!  Millions of Americans saw acting even worse than Nick Cage, yet both players were never suspended for their clear cheating.


You know, it wouldn’t be fair to end this blog post without at least one more Ndamukong Suh cheating/gate video.  In 2010, Suh and his Tigers were taking on the Cleveland Browns in a preseason game.  That’s right – preseason.  It’s a game that means nothing.  It’s basically a practice where you suit up and fans get to watch.  Jake Delhomme was looking downfield to make a pass when Ndamukong grabbed his facemask and practically snapped Delhomme’s neck yanking his head back.  Instead of letting go, he then put Delhomme in a headlock,and basically tried to rip his head off as he threw him to the ground!  Even the announcers said he was trying to behead the quarterback!  How many games was he suspended?  None.

These are only five quick, easy examples of cheating in the last five years in the NFL.  In every example, nobody was suspended.  Even repeat offenders got off scoff-free, without months-long public opinion witch hunts and hollow tribunals meant to instigate libel and slander.

What’s are the two things all of these videos have in common?

Number 1 – none of the CLEARLY guilty players were suspended.

Number 2 – all of it was caught on camera.

That’s right, there’s clear evidence that somebody cheated, yet no players or coaching staff were suspended.  But the Patriots have been lambasted for months over something that scientists have shown time and time again was normal and expected for the weather conditions during the Colts/Pats game in question.

Maybe we should be using a different hashtag?  Something like:


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