Twilight Vampires Are Pedophiles

Michael Jackson Clearly Dead Like Edward Cullen

The King of Pop was probably undead long before Edward Cullen even hung around vampires.

In the Twilight series, the main character, Edward Cullen, hides his immortality by pretending to be a high school student in Washington state.  He was born in 1901, which makes him 104  years old by the time the first book was published in 2005.

That’s right — a man, after 104 years of life, decides he should stay in high school.  I’d blast my brains out before I had to go back to high school.  Eddie Cullen is a millionaire, or at least should be a millionaire given that time is in his favor.  He could easily claim he’s the grandson of the owner of a big company and work in the mail room.  He could pretend to be a spoiled trust fund baby.  He has many options, yet he chooses to surround himself with underage children.

He’s a pedophile.

Care to argue it?  He falls in love with Bella, who is a teenager, and he’s almost 90 years older than her.  Technically it’s probably not illegal in Washington state.  According to Washington State law, Cullen probably didn’t break any laws.  But if he had sex with her in Arizona, where Bella had just moved from, at exactly the same time he was banging her in Washington, then yes, he’d be in jail.

Best case scenario, Cullen is a creep.  Anything less than that, he’d be doing time at Big Joe Arpaio’s tent city jail.


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